george carlin government doesn't care about you george carlin government doesn't care about you
Some people are really fucking stupid. How do school teachers handle this? Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! I'd like to repeat that, because it sounds *vaguely* important! In America, anyone can become president. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. George Carlin, 61. You still need a note to get laid. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so theyre gonna tell you some things you shouldnt say because theyresins. I can't follow the logic on that one at all! 3. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? I can't wait for some of these cities to disappear. You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! We're all fucked. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. You caused the problem. Guys who wear the same underwear until it begins to cut off the circulation to their feet. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. On Election Day, I stay home. 37. BAD WORDS." Why isnt selling fucking legal? The planet will take care of itself. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus. Whether you agree with him or not, Carlins views are definitely worth considering. 10. Thats the problem. Enjoy! Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, man? Is that such a strange notion. And now, ladies and gentlemen, that we've enjoyed some good times this evening, and enjoyed some laughter together, I feel it is my obligation to remind you of some of the negative, depressing, dangerous, life-threatening things that life is really all about; things you have not been thinking about tonight, but which will be waiting for you as soon as you leave the theater or as soon as you turn off your television sets. The difference between left and right of center originated in the French parliament. Hansel and Gretel discovered the ginger bread house about 45 minutes after they discovered the mushrooms. This country is big-time pig time Change the bald eagle to a big bowl of macaroni and cheese. If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance. In the first place, white people got no business playing the blues ever at all under any circumstances ever, ever, ever! Couples whose children's names all start with the same initials. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. What did Clinton say? Heres another question I have: How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet? Stick to your faggoty polkas and waltzes and that repulsive country line-dancing shit that you do and be yourself, be proud, be white, be lame, and get the fuck off the dance floor! Everybodys going to save something now. They keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that they, the rich, can run off with all the fucking money! The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, 15. You voted them in. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. "The good Lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." The original quote is, "We make ourselves miserable by first closing ourselves off from reality and then collecting this and that in an attempt to make ourselves happy by possessing happiness. A new two-minute spot from Pattern Integrity Films features a famous rant from the late comic George Carlin set against a devastating set of images of Donald Trump's America. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership. It creates a hostile work environment. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. This is what our system produces, folks. But dont participate; it will be your death. I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked 5 twos! I love the freedoms we used to have. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. I wish to be BLOWN UP. Spoiler: advertising man says, "It's Good!". Dont you just wanna puke in your soup when one of these fat, balding, overweight, overaged, out of shape, middle aged, male movie stars with sunglasses jumps onstage and starts blowing into a harmonica? Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. But I said it with a smile. ", Variations of this piece have also been misattributed to, "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body". You know what the motto for this country ought to be? So, basically, what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who has had more than one period is a serial killer! When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, 48. Tell you a little secret about the blues; its not enough to know which notes to play, you gotta know why they need to be played, and another thing I dont think white people should be trying to dance like blacks. Sort of take them in? That's a good combination! 51. Happened like that. Regarding public Christmas displays: At some point, someone who worked at Rockefeller Center must have said, "Boys, I have a great idea for Christmas. And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!". You know what the motto of this country ought to be? I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Any lawyer who refers to the police as the "Federalies." They own you. Otherwise it doesn't really work, does it? We won the big game today, yes sir! But youll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, Whats happenin?. It creates a hostile work environment. You have owners. I gave up on this stuff. A boring game for boring people. Thats our history. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. And immediately, I thought of the sun. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! They will do anything for the unborn. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? 22. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. What a fucking disgrace that place is! -George Carlin People are fucking nuts. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeor. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but Im just not close enough to get the job done.. Everybody complains about politicians. But even after the egg is fertilized, it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. 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He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Didn't need any help on that ladder. 6. Fucking is legal. And that's the problem. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. These people call themselves "right to lifers." its only a symbol. No war on homelessness. Does experience need to be documented and brought home and saved on a shelf? It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family. You rarely see a bumper sticker that says: Save the tumors. Or I brake for advanced melanoma. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Save the planet? They don't trust one another. And the people said "You know something? Produced by Will Reid and Michael Simon Johnson. George Carlin- The official home of one of the most important and influential American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. I don't even bring them home anymore. That was the time I said to a woman, "I hope you get a blister on your cunt.' political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners, Vision of Buddhism: The Space Under the Tree, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=George_Carlin&oldid=3275017, I was on a talk show recently, and the host asked me, "What do you think about the dope problem?" The House of Blues they ought to call it the House of Lame White Motherfuckers; inauthentic, low frequency, single-digit, lame, white motherfuckers especially these male movie stars who think theyre blues artists. I welcome it. 19. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. Has been for thousands of years! They own all the important land, they own and control the corporations that've long since bought and paid for, the senate, the congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the . But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. I'm also tired of hearing about 'innocent victims'. When else are you gonna record it, afterwards? Then he is the victim of an irony. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. Pointless careerism, putting on a man tailored suit and shoulder pads and imitating all the worst behavior of men? George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. In one semester, in shop class, all the guys went from making zip guns to hash pipes. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. Thats all it is. Little kids would be afraid of "the boogieperson". Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And you can see their point: wouldn't want some guy to go to Hell, Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money-back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free home trial, and free parking. Leave these fucking people alone for Christs sake. Its a fucking sacrilege! A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin! So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. 225 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, arrested, indicted or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code! And complaining about the politicians. You dont. 20. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. Of course, I'm sure the reverend isn't that comfortable with anything that has two knobs on it. It simply doesn't give a fuck about you. You know why? What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? What do you want Him to do? It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other people's affairs. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. When a business man sits down to negotiate a deal, the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who's trying to fuck him outta his money. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. Right in the fucking head! As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. First thing- "Hey! No question about it. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. The only country that could invade America is America! I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Everybodys going to save something now. If you burn the flag, youre burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. That's my advice. Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. A big bowl. His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. After that, they don't want to know about you. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? Its called fucking with people!. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. 28. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Its the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin different. We are on a nice downward glide. Its important in life if you dont give a shit. Hosted by Sabrina Tavernise. Forget the politicians. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. It will be coincidental. If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. Now, you come along, and pray for something. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin, 50. Are these people kidding? Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. And even if it's something that anyone would really want that much. Nothing left. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And they're elected by American voters. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? You're reading a nice story, and suddenly the writer has to stop and describe the clouds. Because you have the illusion of choice! Am I missing something? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Actually, I dont care, I drink it anyway. You know, you, O Beautiful, for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, There are four hundred thousand words in the English language, and there are seven you can't say on television. Fuck him and his balls, and his bicycles, and his steroids, and his yellow shirts, and the dumb empty expression on his face. It's as simple as that. They just care about having a comfortable place. Happens to work. 34. The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. I am perfectly willing to share the room with a fly, as long as he is patrolling that portion of the room I dont occupy. That's all it is. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they're flyin' around the Internet, they're probably not mine. No muss, no fuss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments of interest 'til September. Pray for anything you want. 13. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 504 35K views 12 years ago Someday the people of this country are gonna realize that the government. Youd think theyd make natural allies. The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. Only once have I lost my cool. What's the alternative to pumping out a unit every nine months? 'Cause that's all you ever hear about in this country. It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. Change His plan? They try to divide the rest of the people. ", I used to be Irish Catholic; Now I'm an American. The actual author of this quote is Roger J. Corless, from his book "The Vision of Buddhism: the Space Under the Tree". It will be a coincidence. It's convenient. I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. 21. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Here's what you do: First of all, you don't get all scared and do whatever he tells you. We had great gifts, and we gave it all up for both money and God We gave it all up to superstition, primitive superstition, primitive shit Invisible man in the sky, looking down, keeping track of what we do, make sure we don't do the wrong thing, if we do, he puts us in hell, where we burn forever. They will do anything for the unborn. Anything differentthat's what they're gonna talk aboutrace, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other, so that they can keep going to the bank! Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that shit. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. What the fuck do white people have to be blue about? And in 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this fuckin' place. That's the whole purpose of recording; to do it beforehand! (101), Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence. It is a coincidence. 33. What do you say? The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. Say "you assholes are goin' for a ride!". He was a true outspoken man that we can emulate in many ways. If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, 24. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Organized religion and organized crime working together to help build a better America. Why did they decide that? If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. Next fucking case! They should be giving their money to you. A pimp who drives a Toyota Corolla. A man in a hospital gown directing traffic. Offer good while supplies last. Because you have the illusion of choice. Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. No cash? "Thy Will Be Done." Doc was a connection. Doesn't this piss you off? Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. They want your fuckin' retirement money. And any man whose arm hair completely covers his wristwatch. "No." . Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. 1. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. 2. I'm tired of this shit being presented in the context of real news. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Now, man"You up for the game?" Well I'll go for a drive, you'll go for a ride. change. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. The sanctity of life doesn't seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? People don't know that, tell them when they're in your car. And a mindless game, too. You don't do all this moron stuff. Bashful didn't use drugs. And they have war plans for every contingency, no matter how remote. We have a daughter in public school who hasn't been knocked up yet. "GIMME THAT, IT'S MINE!" Broadly speaking. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. That's the only thing. Who cares? His father was from Donegal, Ireland, and his mother was Irish-American. Thank God for that. Theyre privileges. I'm tired of that asshole. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. Because Im an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. 39. Maybe a little Styrofoam. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. I think if white people are gonna burn down black churches, then black people ought to burn down the House of Blues!
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